Wedding Weekend II
This weekend was the second of three weekends in November, where I have to attend a wedding. Wedding number two was for a friend of mine, more an aquantance. Her mother and my mother are the connection (they are closer friends).
I tried to keep an open mind about the event, but I tell you after this weekend, I'm done! I can't stand going to Indian Muslim weddings anymore!!! They make me feel like crap. The wedding itself was nice. It was a short ceremony, thankfully we were seated at a table with friends, right next to the door and the annoying flash bulb light for the professional photographer (gee can you tell of what importance we were to the bride) and my outfit wasn't totally uncomfortable. My friend decided to go with American food instead of traditional Indian food - interesting choice. I had the chicken with mashed potatoes. But good Lord the portions were huge!
All of this aside, throughout the two-day event, I felt about as big as snail. In Indian Muslim culture, the worth of a girl is defined by if she is married or not. Come age 21, you should be actively looking for your spouse and if you are not married by 26, everyone starts asking, "what is wrong?" It is assumed there is something wrong with you (what I love also about this is that boys never get these questions, only girls). People think it is their God-given right to come up to you and ask you all sorts of personnel questions about this subject. I am tired of going through this. I followed the rules the first time and look what that got me, a scarlet "D." Sitting at this wedding, through each smile and joke, I knew everyone was thinking that, that I was worthless, "bechari (poor girl) single and alone."
I will continue going to non-Muslim weddings, but after my one friend in December gets married, I'm through with my community until it is my own wedding!
posted by Virginia Gal @ 7:46 AM
10 Comments:
Isn't it odd how backwards cultures can be? When I was younger, growing up in a predominantly Italian/Catholic neighborhood - it was the same. If a woman was not married by 30 then she was suspect. What a bunch of crap!
With all due respect to your heritage; please VG, don't ever think that your worth hangs on your marital status ... that is just not true!!
You hold out and live your life (ON YOUR TERMS!!!), and when you do meet Mr. Right, let it be on YOUR terms!
VG, you totally need a hug - {{{Virginia Gal}}}
I wholeheartedly second what Pax said. I also agree that you shouldn't go to any more of these weddings if they make you feel so lousy . . . like Adam West said on TV Land, "Life is too short to sit through crap."
Besides, people will always find something to make you feel lousy about . . . right now, I've been married for 7 years and people feel free to ask when we are finally going to have some kids . . . just ignore 'em and move on.
VG-
Pax is right! And don't let them interrogate you. Take the conversation back and change the subject! Don't miss out on fun stuff just because of rude questions.
I've been there, and I could go on and on. It'll work out. Don't settle for less just to make it happen faster!
VG and Kath-
I get the kids questions, too. Or used to, anyway. Most folks have stopped asking.
When people asked if/when we were going to have kids, we'd shrug and say, "We have dachshunds! You know, hotdogs with legs. We know, it's not the same as having kids: you can leave them home alone!" Then we'd say, "Of course, we can't leave them alone when we go away..." Most people drop the kids subject and talk about pets or travel or both. We just change the subject before people get a chance to be rude.
And if going is NOT fun,then I agree with Kath, don't go. For the most part, we go to other people's weddings so that they will come to ours!
I agree. I know you are an amazing young lady with a heart of gold. You're so precious and to let someone or some event bring you down so much just breaks my heart.
But you are MUCHO loved by many.
***hug***
Tony
Pax - Thanks for the vote of confidence, it is hard not to get wrapped up into all that cultural stuff, amazing how one wants to be accepted by these people no? I hope my Mr. Right is out there :-)
Kath - Thanks for the hug, you're right there are people who always want to bring you down. I must try to ignore them. Hugs to you on handling the baby question, so annoying, why don't people just mind their own business!
Merci - I shall try not to settle just to make it faster, but it seems that might be the way I will go.
Tony - ohh thanks, that is so nice of you - you're a sweetheart, hugs back to you!
Laurie - Amazing how it works out for some and not for others no? At 28, I'm not sure I'm anymore ready than I was at 22 (when I was first married).
I've been married for almost 35 years but I'd be the first to tell you that being married doesn't define who you are. Live life the way you want to kiddo, you only do it once!
Thanks Brenda - it's funny people have said that to me more than once (marriage isn't that great), I suppose its always, the grass is greenier on the other side situation).
Enjoyed a lot! » » »
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