Relationship Advice

Being single continues to keep me in a hovering blue state. I know, I know, people tell me all the time, "when you least expect it, it will happen." Give me a break, it is all I think about, I'm Indian for God's sake! (see the movie "Bend It Like Beckham" best example of how life is like for those of use first generation Indian kids). I've gone through an arranged marriage, it sucked and now I carry the scarlet "D" (divorce) on my chest - as if getting married in my community isn't hard enough, add being a divorcee to that and man oh man, forget about it!

I suppose all I really want is to feel some passion, happiness for my intended, when I say "I do," I want to be excited about it. Is it to much to ask that I want to marry someone who I enjoy being with, someone who, when he walks through the door, my spirits lift? Sadly though it seems like I'll have to go to "Plan B" going back to India and finding a guy there, which generally means that I won't get the love of my life. Can I go through that again? Can I go through marrying someone who I have absolutely no feelings for? The first time around, I couldn't stand my husband, literally there were days when I wished him dead (gasp, what a bad Muslim am I, no?). I just don't know....what is better: to be single forever and live as a pariah in my Indian community or be in stuck a marriage of convenience? Neither is appealing. Sigh. Mondays bring out the really sad person in me.

ps - Please for the love of God, do not send me advice to read this book or that about relationships, I've read many of them and all they do is just depress the hell out of me.