View from the 23rd Row

Security
Since 9/11 getting through the airport security line has became more than an annoyance it has often become the bane of my existence. The wait is always long and you waste so much time, especially when you are running late to catch your flight (which, yes, I do a lot). People act as if they have never been through a security line before and become fumbling idiots.

Because I travel so much I know how to dress and pack in order to get through the line in five minutes or less, but what holds me up is all the other dingbats uh people. So for my faithful readers, I'm going to give you some tips to make you better, more aware, passengers and get you through the security line at the airport quicker!

1. Dress appropriately - when you wake up that morning of your flight, spend some time to think about what to wear. Avoid clothes with a lot of metal, buttons, buckles, chains etc. A simple pair of jeans with a cloth belt and a nice shirt should do. Layers will work against you.
2. Wear sensible shoes - after Richard Reed's shoebombing attempt, security now makes a point of checking everyone's shoes. Pick a pair of shoes you can slip on and off, i.e. loafers or mules. DON'T wear sneakers or anything with lace - they take forever to get off! Boots and anything else that is excessivly heavy are a no-no also, because again it takes to much time to get them off. I have invested in a pair of simple Chinese slippers that are so soft and clothy that I don't even have to take them off cause they never cause the security machine to beep. These are a great alternative if you hate being barefoot like me.
3. Accessories - keep it simple ladies - leave the bling for when you arrive at your destination. No metal bangles, they always set the machines off, maybe one nice necklace and a pair of earings and that should be it, unless you want to get the body search. Also keep bobby pins to a minmium, at some airports these tiny hair helpers can cause you to beep in the security machine.
4. Men keep keys, coins etc outside - perhaps in your carry-on or in a man purse. You squander so much time digging in your pants pockets or jacket trying to find all of that stuff and it is stupid, cause you knew that all that metal crap would set the machine off, why do you try my patience by not having this stuff all in one area before getting to security!
5. Carry-on's - pack your essentials and that should be it - you don't need to bring the entire electronic's department from Circuit City. Half the stuff you pack you probably won't even use. Remember scissors, knives, guns, nail files, lighters, and explosive devices are not allowed in your carry-on.

Getting Through Security
1. Biggest mistake I see most people make, they put away their I.D. and boarding pass before coming to the line. YOU WILL NEED BOTH OF THESE ITEMS - DON'T PUT YOUR BOARDING PASS AND I.D. AWAY, KEEP THEM OUT UNTIL YOU GET TO YOUR GATE!!!! People waste so much of my time when they have to go searching through a purse or jacket to find the boarding pass and I.D. - it is beyond annoying, stupid people!
2. Be ready - don't have six different things in your hand - you should have one carry-on and one personal item - that's it!
3. When you get to the line, have your laptop and umbrella out of your carry-on, so you can quickly put them into the bins - laptops and umbrella's have to go through the machine outside of your carry-on.
4. When you get to the point in the line when you can start putting stuff down, place your carry-on bag on the conveyor belt first (you won't need a bin for this) - than your one personal item. If you have a laptop, this is when you will pick up ONE bin and put it in that. Now pick up ONE more bin - Take your shoes off put them in that, next to them, place your coat or sweater (if you are wearing one) in the same bin. Men if you have all this loose change (which you smartly had all together in a plastic baggie), put it in a smaller bin. At this point you should be ready to go through the security machine. If you follow this method exactly, it should be boom boom boom - you are through the line.
5. If you have an option to chose your security line, avoid those with businessmen and children, both of these groups don't pay attention and can tack on another 10 minutes to this ordeal. Lines with babies is not even an option, they are the plague of security!

With these tips you should get through security with ease, and soon you will be like me, annoyed at the stupidity and ineptness of your fellow passengers to do this simple task. For more tips, I've attached a sheet from the TSA, the agency that overseas airport security in America.

http://www.tsa.gov/public/interapp/editorial/editorial_1254.xml

Happy flying!