Wednesday, June 07, 2006

View from the 23rd Row

Sometimes we airline employees get a little wacky, we have to let off the steam of this up & down industry (no pun intended) and we do like to take a piss at some of the sillyness of airlines - so this week's post is a list one of my hilarious co-workers came up with....enjoy!

Ways Airlines Are Cutting Back
by Ken K.
1. Get back to basics with Inflight Entertainment's dramatic hand-shadow presentation.

2. Expensive aircraft safety information seat-back card and video presentation replaced by cocktail napkin which reads: "In case of emergency - EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"

3. Floor level lighting replaced by diminutive person with a flashlight.

4. Envoy class seats' amenities now powered by passenger pedaling attachment.

5. Passengers encouraged to bring their own toilet paper.

6. Center seat passengers will now link arms with their neighbors upon take-off and landing due to removal of seatbelts in middle row.

7. It's fun, fun, fun! With the new "Spin The Wheel" inflight menu selection.

8. Unaccompanied minors are now made useful in the fun & educational "Work That Galley!" program.

9. Economy is doubly served with new combined inflight catering/human remains storage facilities.

10. Preboard procedure made quick and easy with addition of "William Tell Overture".

11. Fuel cost greatly reduced thanks to "Flintstones" method of take off & landing.

12. Smaller wheel for hamster increases engine rotation by 40%.

13. Deals made with connections in West Virginia, Kentucky and Tennessee for low cost alternative to high priced potables. Liquor kit now contains a small funnel, stick on labels and food coloring.

14. Instead of headphones, passengers are now encouraged to hum.

15. The complaint department has been entirely replaced by a room full of kittens and puppies.

16. Expensive first-run films, documentaries, and current TV shows eschewed for better valued reruns of "The Flying Nun". Subtitles available only on flights where passengers don't mind playing charades.

17. Introduction of reality based series on selected flights -- "Be The Cabin Crew" coming to an airport near you!

18. Deplaning's a breeze now that the new arrival announcement has been changed from "Welcome to etc..." to "Fire! Fire! Oh my god! Fire!"

19. "In case of the unlikely event of a water landing, you'll find a set of oars beneath your seat..."


Blogger JoeinVegas said...

I guess every industry has inside jokes. Unfortunately for those of us that are just flyers these seem a little sad, as some of them might already be in process of implementation. Please don't give management any more ideas.

10:57 AM  
Blogger Molly Malone said...

Oh my gosh! That's a scream!

9:53 PM  
Blogger Virginia Gal said...

Joe - Having a sense of humor is imperative when flying commercially in America. This list is just a joke Joe, don't take it so seriously!

Molly - I nearly pee'd my pants when Ken sent them along, they are a hoot!

8:46 AM  
Blogger PaxRomano said...

Hey, where did you steal these plans? They sound like how I'll be running Pax Americana Airlines!

11:35 AM  
Blogger Virginia Gal said...

Sorry Pax to burst your bubble, but we airline people all think alike, I'm sure 50 other carriers have these ideas as well, hee hee. But instead of kittens maybe we can do bunny rabbits?

8:54 AM  

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