Startingly Revelations
A friend from South Africa (SA) is visiting the States right now. She is my crush's best friend's girlfriend (how's that for confusing!). We are good friends. Last weekend, after my midterms we went up to NYC, her to finally see the city, me to celebrate the end of half of my first semester.
Anyway, naturally we got to talking (she has no idea that I like my crush, she thinks that I think of him as just a friend). What she reveled to me about him was eye-opening to say the least! Here I thought he was this respectable good boy, instead he is total trouble. He is very materialistic, superficial and worst of all - he sleeps around!! (big no-no in Islam). In SA, how dangerous is that?! So my brain now nows, this guy and I are not compatiable AT ALL, but someone needs to tell my dumb-ass emotions. Why do I still kinda like him? What is wrong with me?! It's amazing he and I are even friends - we are so different!
When I think about our past interactions, I feel a little embarrassed, I must have seemed like such a naive rube to him, compared to the sophisticated/fast girls he runs with. And yet at the same time, I am a bit touched that somehow I gave off an aura or air that he know he couldn't treat me like he treats those other girls. He always treated me with respect. So at least I give off an air of being respectable. That is good no?
Any tips/advice on how to get over him would be most appreciated!
posted by Virginia Gal @ 1:23 PM
10 Comments:
That's a hard request. The usual answer is to fill up your life with other things so that you will be distracted, but that only works so far. The worst part is usually when you lie down to go to sleep and end up with your mind drifting in unintended directions - .
All I can say is to repeat, find other things to do. I don't know what you can do to meet others - any student organizations that lean in your direction? (as if you had the time)
Those fast girls are not sophisticated... just lost idiots who open up to whomever shows interest and most guys, unfortunately, at some point in their lives llive like your crush, Muslim or no I am afraid!
And we are treated, for the most part, how we demand to be treated and his treating you with respect shows he is intuitive enough to understand and to see where the boundaries are and to adjust his behavior accordingly depending on the social situation he is in and that is a plus regardless of his private life... so you don't have a crush on a total loser, rest assured!
As for moving on? Hmmm... keep busy, forge ahead with your life, and open yourself up to the possibility of romance... baby steps my friend and if anyone can do it, it's you!
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http://www.wikihow.com/Get-over-a-Guy-You-Liked
i thought this mite cheer you up!!and um were kinda the most sophisticated and not to mention gorgeous girls in virgina, any guy is lucky to have us!
haha the above was me.
I agree with Joe and Miz Bohemia - find things that you really like to do and do them. Fill up you life with things that are meaningful to you and start enjoying them. Join some organizations, meet some people, see some sights, start having some fun being YOU . . .
The next thing you know, you won't worry about being paired off at the moment because you will enjoy being you and have a pretty full life doing things you want to do and are working at a career with new possiblities . . . then when you least expect it, a wonderful guy will be attracted to the happy, confident you . . . the you that is close to your full potential . . .
I say "be positive" for a reason - Be the awesome woman that you are! :-)
I agree with Miz Bohemia particularly about the "sophisticated women" bit. They're not sophisticated; it's just the sad truth that many, many women are willing to be treated like that. it's not sophisticated. it's sad. and i totally agree with her about why he treated you with respect. Because YOU respect yourself. but i'm just parroting.
something i've been thinking lately: do you have many guy friends with whom you hang out on a fairly regular basis? i mean like a few single guys you'd consider "in your circle?" (and take this all with a grain of salt) but if you develop some solid platonic friendships with some guys - maybe specifically non Muslims so you don't taint the well with any expectations - you'd become more familiar with the mind of a guy and would eventually be more comfortable with communicating your romantic desires when you come across boys you are interested in. i can't help but suspect that men still exist in some mystical realm for you; maybe scoring some good guy friends would de-mystify them for you.
(and YES, women and men can be just friends; if the woman makes it clear they're not going to have sex, guess what she ends up with? a friend!)
Replace him with someone who deserves your love and affection.
Are you glad that first semester is finally done? Great news about your grades! Way to go!
All great advice; on the other hand, sometimes a fellow with a wandering eye just needs a good grounded woman ...just ask Annette Bening.
Good luck whatever you do. Hey I know a couple of nice straight single guys (not Muslim, but what-the-hay)...
Joe - good advice, hopefully as the semester comes to a close, I'll be busier than ever! You are so right though about when you lay down to sleep - the hardest part of the day.
Mizbohemia - ooh thank you - I'm glad to know I give off a vibe that makes others realize I demand to be treated with respect! Baby steps will be the order of the day.
Naema - hee hee - thank you dear, let us just say I was completely startled by this information, but InshAllah this too shall pass, no?
Random Kath - thank you for the kindess, I shall strive to "Be positive," I agree with you, when we are positive good things happen : )
Molly - ahhh (nodding head sagely), I'm slow to the table on this, but I'm trying to build up a friendship with boys, which is strictly friendship, i.e. Chris, Ken, your honey - I love this idea that you have presented though, I think in B-school I am going to be doing this more, as most of the men are married or involved, this should help me, no?
Brenda - Thank you about the grades, I am SO HAPPY this semester is almost over, you can't believe! I think about Zach all the time, I feel like he and I are going through this struggle of school together, please tell him someone in Virginia is thinking of him and wishing him super super good thoughts! As for the boy, yes I MUST replace with someone who will love me through thick and thin...sigh easier said than done, no?
Pax - oh you're such a good blog God-father, finding me single men, hee hee. Hey in Jersey, there are single Muslim men on every street, next time you're out and about, take a look and report back. Thanks darling!
ps, yes I kinda hold that hope that maybe this guy will realize I'm the one, that I'm the grounded girl he wants to be with.
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