Blue Monday

This weekend was not a particularly good one for me....

I decided to be the better person and go to my friend's baby shower (btw Naima where the heck were you?!!!). It was an Indian thing - this friend of mine had gotten a divorce and remarried within like two years, while I still sit on the shelf. To say it hurts a little is an understatement. That is one of the good things about b-school, most of the time I don't feel these things so acutely, life is so busy here. Anyway, I went (though I really didn't want to but I didn't want to seem like the spoilsport), put on a smile, but inside it was so painful. I sat there realizing that I'm an old hag and even if I do get married and pregnant, there will be no baby shower. Indian society doesn't do baby shower's for old women, its unseemly, like having a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party when you turn 40, it just isn't done. Plus I didn't want to get to close to my friend because like the Scarlett Letter, God Forbid should something happen to her baby, the witch (that's me) will automatically be blamed. You know how it is, (read the Crucible), anyone remotely non-conformist is going to have the finger pointed at them first.

To top that off, I have been royally tired of late - and all I wanted to do Saturday night was sleep and than leave for school the next morning. My mother wouldn't hear of it, because DC was to get hammered with a snow storm early Sunday morning . So I had to drive down, after the horrible baby shower, to Richmond. I spent the time crying in the car the whole way, from sheer exhaustion.

But wait there is more...I'm bitter because I still haven't heard from a single internship position, am I that bad a candidate?? I made straight A's last semester? What is better than that? My undergrad G.P.A. was a 3.87 out of 4.0, I have work experience....what more is there? I think I should have gone to a better b-school, one with a better reputation. But my standarizied test scores were not good enough to get me into a top-rated b-school. This gets me thinking...maybe I shouldn't have gone back to school for my MBA? Maybe getting such a low GMAT score was an indication that I'm not cut out for this stuff. I don't have the math skills, which it seems all employers want (but I'm not opposed to learning, I think I have the brain power). As I ponder this I feel sad again....what am I doing with my life.

Right, sorry for this rambling..maybe because its Monday, maybe its because I'm still super tired that I'm feeling a bit down. But I'm trying to smile more, hopefully that will positively affect my mood. (hey at least the Oscars were funny!).