Bad Girl
Thanks to everyone for the well-wishes, I'm sorry my posts can get so depressing, unfortunately that is where I am in life, this crossroads, uncertain about my future.
Right, so I did reveal in my last post that I had an arranged marriage (straight out of college) and than got divorced two years later. In my close-knit Indian Muslim community, being a divorcee makes me quite the pariah. To many, it doesn't matter what happened in the marriage or how miserable I was, clearly the collapse of that union was entirely my fault and that makes me a bad human being. I deserve everything I got cause I wasn't "Indian" or "Muslim" enough.
A great example of this thinking process is what happened this summer. I was at a picnic and met this nice girl, who I thought would be a good friend. We even went out one time for dinner and a movie, a girl's night out. Anyway, a few weeks ago, through the grapevine, I heard that this friend of mine, her in-laws, did not want her associating with me anymore. Apparently I would be a bad influence. I suppose they thought that, as a divorcee, I eat babies and covort with the devil. I don't know, but they made it quite clear that I was persona non grata. I can understand not wanting to meet with me if I did drugs or was always borrowing money or something equally bad, but just because of one thing that happened in my life, my entire character is smirched. It was cruel and mean-spirited, especially since these people are so-called "Muslims." Didn't they know that two of the Prophet's (pbuh) own daughters got divorces - oh I guess not, that would make it harder to hate me! Ugh it boils my blood and at the same time makes me want to weep. Is this the human race? Shows me how easy it is for people to hate others based on a part of a person's life (i.e. being gay or black) rather than on the character of the man. Makes one lose hope in humanity.
ps - I, as well as many in DC, are on tenderhooks (is that the expression?) for Patrick Fitzgerald's indictaments. Come on man, throw us liberals a bone, have October end with a spectacularly happy finish (White House implosion as Rove and Libby go down in flames!).
pps - RIP Rosa Parks, you were a good woman, strong and courageous at a time when it was very dangerous to do so. May God bless you forever with a seat right at the front of the bus.
posted by Virginia Gal @ 7:45 AM
6 Comments:
I know that the sort of prejudice you are talking about is not limited to the muslim community but it seems that muslim society is very male oriented. Why am I doubting that a divorced MAN is treated the same way you are? It's not fair that you are treated that way because of something that happened when, for all intents and purposes, you were a child. I don't know what to tell you other than you'll find someone eventually. Inshallah.
oh Lost thanks for the kind words - InshAllah - that is great!
My mother was married at 18 and divorced a few years later, with 2 children to care for (my much older siblings). Her husband (not my father)was abusive and just all around awful, but that didn't matter at the time (the 40's). Nice girls did not get divorces back then, so she was a bit of an outcast. She married again, and her husband (still not my father!) was killed tragically. She married yet again (yes, to my father!), and they were happy for many years until my father passed away 20 years ago. She had a gentleman friend for several years - he passed away just over a year ago. She is 81 and says that she has had a good life. When I feel down about my life, I look at hers and realize that most things really can be overcome in time. It took strength for you to step out of the mold, just as it did for my mother. You will find a place where you belong, just as she did.
You're a bad influence on me, too... but I like it! :-)
oh my god.that pisses me off.ugh.
i can't say anymore because its ramadan and i cannot cuss but boy if i wasn't fasting i would be a sailor.
oh and i don't think u a pariah...more a clownfish ;)!
<3(always!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
naema*
Merci - Wow - you're mom is a strong lady, I take comfort in knowing other women have walked this path and survived. Thank you.
Tony - hee hee, I like the idea that I'm corrupting you :-)
Naema - Nemo was a clownfish, that's not so bad - thanks :-)
I love your family, you guys and your parents have always treated me so nicely, like a daughter, (probably why Hina and I love hanging out at your house no one is judging us). To me, you guys embody true Islam.
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