Manic Monday
Thanks to everyone for their kind words and thoughts from my last blog - it certainly makes me feel loved and today more than ever I need it.
This wasn't the best weekend, I got mad at my kids in Sunday School (gave them an easy task to do at home and some of them were just to lazy not to do it - so frustrating!).
Than my father told me that all my prayers and efforts etc to get married were a waste of time, because as he said "you got a job in six months, so if you really wanted to get married you would have done it by now." yeah dad, cause getting a job is exactly the same thing as getting married. Give me a break! As if I haven't been trying my hardest to find someone!
I was so upset with him I broke my beloved tea cup on our front stoop and threw away all my medicine for my winter allergies. I expect those kind of cruel statements from people in our Indian Muslim community, not from my own family. To me it was like hitting below the belt - I can't understand what joy he got out of say such a hateful thing to me. But at least his true colors and feelings have come out. I hope he is happy and pleased that he made me feel so bad, because to me that can be the only reason a person would say mean things to another, to make the other person feel like less than dirt (as if I don't already think I suck).
posted by Virginia Gal @ 7:37 AM
8 Comments:
All fathers say stupid things. Don't let it get to you.
POP - that is what my mom said. She thinks that once he said it, he realized how damaging it was, but couldn't take it back.
Laurie - thanks for the encouragment - I do wonder if perhaps my father is frustrated at the situation and how little he can control it. Either way, I want an apology!
VG,
It was a stupid thing for your dad to say (and I post this with all due respect, but come on.). I am sure that he was not thinking before he spoke.
Tell him that getting married is not your career goal at this time, and that you have other priorities in your life at present...
VG, I wish you lived close by, we could go out and have coffee and talk and Uncle Paxie could school you on the ways of this cruel world (and if that failed, we could just get drunk and ogle men!)
VG-
In a way, it was a vote of confidence and love He doesn't see any reason why someone would not want to marry you, so you could find someone if you wanted to. It's just that smart, independent women don't want to settle for just anyone. We want a relationship of mutual trust, understanding, and affection. That limits the number of candidates severely. BUT IT'S WORTH WAITING FOR!
I don't know if it's this way for you, but for me, the things my Dad said always hurt far more than the things my Mom said. I'd get mad and argue with Mom, but Dad could send me into tears with hardly any effort. And we all say our share of hurtful things to people we love.
As for the broken tea cup, hope it ends up in a landfill with the glass I broke last week. They can keep each other company and tell stories about us! Let's make a solemn vow not to send any more china or glassware to join them...
Pax - hee hee, ogle guys, sounds like a good plan! Thanks for the kind words.
Merci - oh yes, I hope my broken tea cup lands with kind fellow broken china in the landfill.
I think you are right, my mother and I get into arguements all the time, but this is the first time my father has been so mean to me. Usually he says nothing. I suppose he could have meant that he couldn't understand why no one wanted to marry me...but I don't have enough cofidence in myself to believe that :)
VG-
I hope what I wrote didn't turn out wrong; sometimes things don't sound the same in writing as they would if they were spoken! I meant that he can see why someone (or many someones!) would want to marry you!
Thanks Merci :) .
You SO don't suck. Goofball. Given what you've said about the cultural idioms surrounding marriage that you're having to deal with, maybe it *is* "just like getting a job" in your Dad's eyes--at least a little.
I might try to have a heart-to-heart with ol' Dad and have the discussion include not only how his attitude is making it HARDER, not easier, for you to pursue that particular goal, but maybe how you'd like to hear the story of his and your mother's courtship, from his point of view. And then share it with us, because I bet it's illuminating! ;-)
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