Commitment-phobe?
Had an interesting weekend; got to go see Kathy Griffin in person at Constitution Hall - hilarious!!! I also attended the National Book Festival that was on the National Mall this Saturday and meet one of my favorite authors. I even got to ask a question after her reading. It was so cool!!!
But I do have a question, my mom contests that I am a commitmentphobe. I don't know, am I?
She has a point, guys who like me and would treat me right, I never like and generally I go for men who are a catch and not right for me. But is it asking to much to want a man who is not only good for me but also interesting. I'm finding that every Indian guy I meet is dull or to controlling, or too old fashion. I don't know, am I being too picky? And if so, how does one change that?
posted by Virginia Gal @ 1:43 AM
10 Comments:
Therein lies your answer. "guys who like me and would treat me right, I never like."
If you aren't fully enamored with someone, love, then you aren't commitment-phobic... you are just NOT settling. Period.
You're an amazing, classy lady and HE is out there... but just because he likes you doesn't make him Mr. Right. Love is a 2-way street.
If you don't feel it... it ain't there.
*mwah*
Do not settle for anything less than love. End of lecture.
first off: brenda's short version pretty much covers what i'm about to pontificate on.
your mother comes from a time and culture where marriage is a choice thrust upon you, not a choice you decide for yourself. i presume marriage is also a social expectation, like a job, as opposed to personal fulfillment. so to her, if you've met three guys twice each and have decided you don't necessarily want to MARRY them, you are a commitment-phobe. whereas, in the US, we just call that casual dating; not even something we necessarily do to find a spouse; maybe something we just do for a party!
if anything, you cherish marriage too much to just nab the first offer that comes along. AND THAT'S A GOOD THING. think of it in this really pedestrian, bad analogy: if you could read only one whole book for the rest of your life, and you could only read the dust jackets of others from here out, would you want to be offered just 5 or 6 books to choose from from B.Dalton and have only 5 minutes to choose? and maybe all you could read was about the author, the 1 paragraph summary and the solicited praise blurbs on the back. do you seriously think you could find the most satisfying lifetime book that way? no! you'd want to go to the library of congress; you'd need to read a few chapters of many books to find the right book. maybe even a few in their entirety before you decided on which book would be the only book you could - and would want to - read for the rest of your life.
why would you settle for anything less in a mate? a living person who will share breathing space, a bathroom and joys and sorrows with you?
Well, can't really add to the three above.
well said, everyone.
Never 'settle' for anything especially a marraige partner-FOR
LIFE!
Ditto what the others say. I am a mother of gals 35 & 38- I never would want them to settle!
Never settle, of course, and stay FAR away from controlling guys, but make sure you're giving nice guys a chance ;)
Yep. Absolutely. And honestly, being loved isn't enough - you have to love, too.
That said, if a guy is both interesting (sense of humor, intelligent, makes your heart beat faster) AND treats you right - grab him.
Tony - is my perfect man out there? I worry not.
Brenda - I love the succinctness.
Molly - I ADORE your analogy, thank you!
Joe - I smile at your speechlessness.
Kate - I am envious of your happy marriage - does that make me a bad friend?
Mommantor - oh thank you, I feel like giving you a hug.
Merci - thank you, I guess I worry, am I giving nice guys a chance??
Citizen - that heart beat faster thing is a real problem for me, those that make my heart beat faster never like me : (
Do you folks really know the religious or cultural beliefs of Virgina Gal? Don't give advice if you only know a tiny bit about a person, your ignorance is showing.
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