Two Worlds

Recently I had a friend of mine ask me to call their cousin who had just arrived to America from Pakistan. They felt she would be all alone, except for her new in-laws and thought it would be good to have some girlfriends unrelated to the carefully controlled people she would met through her in-laws. From the moment I got the request I know this was a bad idea...I know how people in my Muslim Indian community regard me; many think of me not only as a bad seed but a harlot (too Westernized is the word I hear most often). After speaking with the sister-in-law of this girl I thought of how my life and status in the culture has changed.

Back when I was married to a doctor this is how the phone conversation (with the sister-in-law) would have gone after the basic niceties:
SIL: oh so are you married?
Me: Yes. He is a doctor.
SIL: oh that is great, wait one second I will get the girl. I'm sure she would love to speak with you!

Now, as a divorced single gal:
SIL: oh so are you married?
Me: No, soon In'shAllah.
SIL: Well, I will give her the message you called. Bye-bye.

I was at one time the top of the heap, holding the most coveted and important position for a Muslim Indian girl, the Wife of a doctor. Nothing could touch me than. Now I'm below the mud, lower than the dirt. It upsets me that my worth, my self-being is all tied up to these outside factors. Why doesn't it matter that I might be a nice person, that I might have a kind-heart? All of that is inconsequential in light of the fact that I'm divorced. That and that alone defines me in my community. Perhaps why I had such a good time in India at my baby aunt's wedding was because my entire family was there and knows my situation and still loves me and thinks I'm fabulous and not once made me feel like a pariah.

I'm feeling this song right now - Virginia Gal

Everybody Hurts
by REM.

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone,(hold on, hold on) if you feel like letting go,(hold on)when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.Everybody hurts.

To check out more on the pressures of being an Indian girl in our community check out my friend's latest post on her blog about the troubles her family is going through just because her sister decided to not pursue medicine as a career. http://o0ohso0ocrazy.blogspot.com/