Friday, June 16, 2006


First - thanks to everyone's comments about the guy, I am off to London this weekend and I'll give him a call when I reach there. Despite never having met and being in far-flung locations, you guys are always there for me - it's amazing! God bless and thank you!!

Has God abandoned me or have I abandoned God? I posed this question last week because it has been nagging on my brain. My beloved aunt and her family visited us last week and she and I got to talking about my life situation one evening.

We were discussing why it is that I'm having such a difficult time getting re-married when she brought up a point that left me really deep in thought.

Since my divorce I've gone through this whole range of emotions, anger and bitterness, sadness and shame. Five years after the fact, I remain upset with myself for allowing this horrible event to happen. Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I put a stop to it? How come I couldn't make it work?

Everyday I sit on my prayer rug and beg God to forgive me, to no longer be angry. I believe that God is angry with me for this incidence and it is for that reason that I seem unable to get re-married. My aunt thought about it for a second and replied, "God has forgiven you, you're only human, He doesn't expect you to be perfect. You haven't forgiven yourself and that is the problem. Who are you to not forgive yourself, are you better than God?! Maybe God is angry at you for not forgiving yourself and allowing some healing."

Wow! I had never thought about it like that! Yes, I made a mistake, but is it so big that I should shrivel up and die? I'm only human and beating myself up over it, won't change the past. Perhaps I should start praying to God to help me to forgive myself, because until I do that, I can't get forward. It is not that I want to absolve myself of the guilt but to realize what happened cannot be undone - am I right to try to forgive myself?

Have a good father's day weekend - I'm off to London!
Bill Cosby: Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is, "soap-on-a-rope."


Blogger Merci said...

Your Aunt is right - you must forgive yourself. Maybe go one step further with you prayers - start thanking him for his forgiveness. Then work on not mentioning it at all, which will show that you've accepted his gift.

In our tradition, God absolves you of guilt if you ask, and it is merely up to you to accept.

Love the Cosby quote! I remember giving my Dad soap-on-a-rope once or twice.

8:58 PM  
Blogger Molly Malone said...

Darling, your aunt hit it right on the head. God may forgive you, but until you accept it, it's still just a gift with a pretty bow. Ask him to help you unwrap it. And I agree with Merci, start thanking him, and then learn to not mention it.
Unless you move forward with forgiving yourself as God has forgiven you, you are burdened by your history. God has relented your history, your aunt is SO right: are you better than God? Forgive yourself, darling. Join the present!
We love you!

1:26 AM  
Blogger Virginia Gal said...

Merci - ahh, I didn't even think of that - to stop constantly mentioning it. I like this tradition of yours, God forgiving if you ask and me just having to accept. Thanks.

Molly - oh thanks, I love the gift analogy, you're right, He has given me something so great, I must unwrap and enjoy!

9:01 AM  
Blogger Brenda said...

Your aunt is a very wise woman!

10:15 AM  
Blogger Virginia Gal said...

Brenda - thanks, I think so (she and I share a birthday sign, so that makes us even closer).

1:17 PM  
Blogger Eliyahu said...

good advice!

12:55 AM  
Blogger Virginia Gal said...

Eliyahu - Welcome! thanks, I think it was good also.

9:06 AM  
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