Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Get Me Out of Here!!

Last night was my first two classes and it is official....I hate it here!!! I'm in over my head, there is too much work, reading all the time and it seems like all my classmates know exactly what is going on and I'm the only ninacompoop in the room. I found out last night that if you get more than two "C" final grades you are kicked out of the program. Great, no pressure at all, I just have to get "A's" in subjects that I never even took as an undergrad, competing with people in my class who are only taking one or two classes, while I have four!

Plus, I am SO lonely, I have no friends, no social life, nothing. I WANT TO GO HOME!!!

I thought going back for my degree was the right decision, but now I'm not so sure, maybe I should have just taken the gig out West and stayed with my airline. I KNEW there was a reason for all those years I avoided going to graduate school, I'm drowning here.

Right going to go and take deep breaths, must get through this semester and than decide my fate.


Blogger PaxRomano said...

Ah sweetie, you just have a case of cold feet. You'll get over it, and you will shine when you do.

Of course you have no friends yet, that takes time ... give it time, then!! (duh).

If you want, I'll pack up the limo and bring Tony and the rest of the motley crowd of Blog pals and we'll crash at your place until you are feeling acclimated. It'll be a regular Jerry Springer show at your house!!

Hang in there, we are all pulling for you.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Tony said...

I support you!!! You will work it out and do fine!! You're amazing!

5:56 PM  
Blogger Eliyahu said...

oh, you know it's still 105 degrees or so out west, and the grass really is literally greener where you are! aside from that, it's still august, and who wants to do anything?

thanks for reminding me about Night. i saw it at the airport as i was off to a retreat, one topic of which was about the life cycles of pain & joy. i read it on the plane, and it was in my mind through the week. this gives the horrors a personal voice, like some of the Holocaust Museum in DC.

school is tough once you've been out a while. you'll do fine. you are there, so there must be a reason why and it's up to you to discover it.


10:25 PM  
Blogger o0ohso0ocrazy said...

i left you a message!hopefully it made you feel better!

10:30 PM  
Blogger Molly Malone said...

it always feels like everyone else is smarter than you. and by the way, you're not competing with them. their grades DO NOT affect yours. the only person you're competing with is you. so cut yourself some slack.

so what if you've never studied this stuff? the kind of intelligence grad school requires is the ability to apply what he/she has learned from all other experiences (academic or real world) that can help apply in the current situation. so the only thing that will hold you back is YOU, right now.

I agree with Pax, as for no social life: you've been there 10 days and haven't made any friends and consider that a failure? don't worry, love! friendships take time! i know it's lonely. i always feel lonely in my new jobs, but trust that you'll sniff someone out and they you. join a study group or something.

it's totally okay to feel scared, though. I felt scared and thought i was the dumbest person in the program - probably am, still! - when i went back to school. but things worked themselves out.

Keep your eyes on the prize, doll. imagine how proud of yourself you'll be when you acheive this goal. you'll remember that you overcame the adversities of insecurity and lonliness to have a higher degree of education!


12:18 AM  
Blogger Random Kath said...

VG, you'll do just fine! Remember that everyone else is probably thinking the same thing that you are. As for no social life, goodness that will take some time. It's hard making new friends when you are older, everyone has sort of a guarded thing going. Just be yourself and do some things alone for a while. Visit some new parts of town, find some new museums, new coffee shops, go see a movie by yourself and buy whatever junk food at the counter that makes you happy. Give off the vibes that you are the cool person that you are . . .

By the middle of the semester, you will be wondering what you were so worried about. They wouldn't have admitted you if you couldn't do the work. Sending many hugs and happy vibes your way . . . :-)

11:20 AM  
Blogger Merci said...

I always felt that way at the beginning of a new semester. Just settle into a routine. You work hard and you accomplish great things. You'll show 'em all. And you have all of us in your corner, too.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Melas said...

Don't breath, laugh.

9:44 PM  
Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

Oh no! Can't you drop down to two classes like the others? Wouldn't that help? You have me worried chica! Fingers crossed for you!

6:58 AM  
Blogger maidink said...

VG, i was going to give you the "give it a chance, it's grad school, you'll be fine" speech, but I decided against it. You already know to give school a chance. You already knew grad school really wasn't gonna be a picnic. And you know, deep down inside, you'll be fine.

What can I offer then?


And if it does get too much for you, sweetie, Pax's limo is waiting for the green light.

Or you can e-mail me and we can talk.


We're with you, and that is something you can count on.

11:40 AM  
Blogger Virginia Gal said...

Pax - thanks, you're right, I have to give it time. Its tough. I would LOVE for you guys to camp out, but could we all squeeze into one queen bed??

Tony - thanks, trust me, if I can't cut it, I'm going to run away to LR. : )

Eliyahu - oh you're so sweet, thanks...others have reminded me that it has been a while, so give myself some breathing room to get back into the swing of studying etc.

Naema - I have to call you, that message made me smile, I love you man!

Molly - You believe in me! Actually I keep reminding myself, Molly did it, in a much harder subject, I can do this in something also. It is comforting to know these feelings are not unusal. I hope I make friends, I'll let you know : )

Random Kath - ahh do somethings by myself and be cool about it...I'm trying, if only I could feel cool.
I so hope you are right, that midway through I'll look back at this period and wonder why I was so upset. Thanks : )

Merci - everyone IS in my corner, it is helping SO much!

P - Will try to laugh more, definitely helps with the coping.

Miz - just knowing you guys are there for me, is helping so much, people who will listen and provide insight. I love you guys.

Maidink - Thanks for the hugs, they are SO appreciated. I did decide to go back and I'm going to do this, or die trying. I am glad everyone is here though, I don't feel so alone : )

7:51 PM  

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