Thursday, October 29, 2009

Looking for a Job

Thank you to everyone for their kind words and thoughts about the passing of my grandfather. He once told me that time heals all wounds but in this case, I'm not sure it will ever really heal as much as fade to a scar.

I wanted to post a quick note, man I'm trying to find a job out here in Arizona and it sucks!! Today I went to a job fair, there were 20 employers and nearly 20,000 job seekers!! Egads!!! To top that off, nothing to make one feel worse about oneself when job searching than to google your old flame (the guy from South Africa, remember) and find he is a Vice President of this big firm and has a featured page on the company's website (you know how they do for senior management and stuff). Geez, what a loser I am!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Nana's Passing

"All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances" - (Act II, Scene VII, As You Like It).

My grandfather passed on Friday, the holiest of days for Muslims. Alas, while I did fly out on Friday, I did not make it in time to see him and maybe that was a good thing. Because as he was dying, I probably would have cried all over him and that could not have helped him. My mother and my aunt were there and they said it was very peaceful. For that, I am glad.

I and everyone from the family, made it out to Florida (where he was staying in those last dying months, with my aunt and her family) for the funeral and burial which was on Saturday (in Islam burial must be done almost immediately after death, like within three days). It really helped to have the entire family there. We all cried and leaned on each other, it was also nice that everyone came! I am sure Nana would have liked that.

I am sad about my grandfather passing. I knew he was going, but still nothing ever really prepares you for this. Amazingly it helps that I'm out here in Arizona, where there is no real concrete memories of him...I don't know what I'm going to do when I go back to my parent's home though. I don't think I'll be able to walk into his room.

I miss him so much, last night before I left Florida, I wanted to go to his burial site and lay there, I worry he is lonely or afraid or scared. I have continuously been praying for Allah to protect him, keep him safe, forgive him his sins and accept him into Heaven.

I am not good with death, it is just so hard for me to think he is no longer there, no one will pick up when I ring "Nana's cell," No one coming with his tattered old car with the Obama sticker on it, no one making me laugh at silly Indian functions with his wicked sense of humor. Sigh, I must just take it day by day. I pray he is in a better place now.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

MBA Class

Thanks to everyone for their words of encouragement, it definitely helps me, if I don't say that.

Lately I've been thinking of this class I took while in Denmark - I can't even remember the name of the class, just that it was taught by this visiting Harvard professor, which intimidated the heck out of me and in the end it turned out to be my favorite class while in Denmark. I believe the title was something about "Creative Economics" or something, either way, the premise was about how to think outside of the box, how to be a new global manager, to understand the direction of the free market and to properly predict the next product.

I'm in a funk and I feel like I need this thinking for my life - to get outside of the self-proscribed lines. Does that make any sense?? Am I rambling?? I just know that now that I'm married, I don't want this to be the end defining moment of my life. I want to be somebody, do something with my life and I don't care that I'm 32, I am not died and I'm not giving up on my dreams! I want to live in London, I want to be a top businesswoman, I want to move in elite circles with writers and philosphers - is that out of the realm of possibility for me now??

Is this just all crazy???

One of the things that the professor of this class did was to establish a wiki page, where each of us students was to submit thoughts, ideas, pictures, videos, song, anything that got us that spirit, I submit this gets my creative juices flowing!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Boy when it pours!

Thank you to everyone for their kind words about our first fight. Its all over now and we are working on the relationship. It definitely is the HARDEST job I have ever had, I tip my hat to all of you who have made it work. I can't even begin to tell you how I have moments, nearly every day, when I just want to flee. Being single is so much easier, with that, I'm my own boss, I can do my own thing, its my innate selfishness, I think.

I find my depression has really kicked in, but as darling Molly pointed out. I am dealing with two major stresses in my life right now so depression is to be expected:
1. Getting married
2. Moving to a new place

In a twist, I also am struggling to find a job, so let us please add that stress:
3. Trying to find a job

oh and my grandfather, who I am very close to, is dying:
4. Close family death

Right....if anyone has any ideas how I can stop from having a complete mental health melt down, do let me know - tak!

For now I'm going to post some happy stuff that makes me laugh or smile.

"English, who needs that? I'm never going to England."
Simpsons quotes by, Homer J Simpson.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

First Fight

Alright my blogging friends, I already have a dilemma. A week into this marriage and we have already had our first fight. Is this normal??

Look this is my second marriage, I don't want to screw it up, but I'll be honest sometimes this guy really gets on my nerves! To top that off, I'm far away from home, I miss my family, my friends, all things that are familiar to me!

Plus this marriage is pseudo-arranged, in that, while he and I got to talk, we don't know each other that super well. And suddenly I just want to be free, I want to be single (is that normal, when one finally gets married to want to get out of it??).


Thursday, October 08, 2009

I'm Married!

Right, sorry for being AWOL for a bit of time there.....but my big news, I'm married!!

The wedding was on October 3rd, an exact replica of My Big Fat Indian Wedding!! I know, I know, everyone is going to want details, but for the time being we are on our honeymoon, so I'm going to keep this post short, suffice to say, I'm happy, I've moved to Arizona, I'm without a job, he's Indian-American like me, Muslim like me and I'm ready to start this new adventure!!

Hope everyone else is doing well!! I will catch up with you all next week!!!